When I was very young, less than 10 years old, I remember my grandfather’s hands shaking. He had Parkinson’s disease and it unsettled me as a child. I could not tell why then, but perhaps it was the unfamiliarity of it and the fact that the tremor was accompanied by frailty as he aged.
It’s a different kind of feeling, but still unsettling, that found its way into many of us when the Indian men’s cricket team refused to shake hands with their Pakistan peers on two successive Sunday matches in the Asia Cup.
“The Pahalgam terror strike and the resultant Operation Sindoor are part of the backdrop, but if India felt strongly about playing against its western neighbour, then the protest could have been registered by refusing to turn up for these particular games,” our editorial says. We all knew why they did turn up: muscular male money.
The Pakistani cricketers did no better, using the bat to portray a gun and hinting at (Indian) fighter planes being shot down. Men reverting to being boys who say ‘katti’ on a sports field.
The handshake is a male metaphor of saying, ‘Let’s play the game’, whether in business or in life. It has elements of testing — for firmness and force, sometimes used as a way of determining strength of character. When women meet, handshakes are not what we do naturally.
In sport though, a handshake is symbolic of many things. Before a game, it is an agreement to play fairly; after, to say, ‘You did well,’ without having to speak the words. Centuries ago, in times of face-to-face combat, men used it to convey that they came unarmed.
But hands can do better things than shoot arrows or guns at other tribes in a ‘fight’ reaction to situations perceived as threatening. They can rock a cradle, help a person up steep stairs, cook a meal for a family. Or, like these women, they can grasp each other in an embrace, even on the field, in celebration — not of defeating an enemy, but of living their dreams. Do read ‘How girls from small towns are rewriting India’s cricket narrative’.
We live in a grey-scale world. (I don’t mean Delhi’s post-cracker/stubble-burning/vehicular-emission pollution, though that is a reality for many of us). What I mean is that life is seldom black and white, people are rarely good or bad, and our decisions are hardly ever based on single reasons. The men on each side no doubt had their reasons for what they did besides some jingoistic jingles (crafted by other men) running in their heads.
But our heads work in conjunction with our hands and hearts. So when our heads are full of images of war and our hearts are full of hate, if we could just look to filling them with other images of a different kind of power — of a mother holding her young son who has been through a tough game, whether on the field or in life — maybe, just maybe, we will extend a hand in friendship.
Toolkit
Her Haq, a youth-based organisation working in menstrual hygiene management, public policy and digital-media advocacy, is having its second summit at Delhi’s Craft Museum on November 1. The Haq Summit’s theme this year is ‘Her right to roam’, inspired by the book Why loiter? and the team’s personal experiences on Delhi’s streets. The team has instituted an award for initiatives led by people 15-35.
Wordsworth
Gender minorities
People who do not identify as female or male. These groups, like transgender people, may have unique healthcare needs, as they have physical, cultural, and socio-psychological differences from the two dominant genders. Here, politician-activist Apsara Reddy says, “For gender minorities, whose existence is often questioned or ridiculed, the absence of inclusive, enforceable, and humane policy is not just a governance gap; it is a denial of dignity.”
It is gender minorities that Karnataka is doing a census of, reports Shilpa Elizabeth, in this story. “The Karnataka government’s survey for gender minorities, which commenced on September 15 across all 31 districts, has given hope to a large community that has been pushed to the shadows for long,” she reports.
Ouch!
Tylenol during pregnancy can be associated with an increased risk of autism, so taking Tylenol is not good…. For this reason they are strongly recommending that women limit Tylenol use during pregnancy unless medically necessary. For instance in cases with extremely high fever that you feel you can’t tough it out…
Donald Trump, U.S. President
Woman we met
K. Santha
K. Santha, 70, sells flowers in the early-morning wholesale flower market at Sowcarpet in Chennai. She has been doing this for 50 years. Her regular customers come in silence, and flowers and money are exchanged. She arrives here at 4 a.m. buys the flowers, and weaves them into garlands, working until 10 a.m. She is happy to be the “Mr. Owner” of the foot-long platform with coils of jasmine. She lives with her husband and daughter. “My two sons and other daughter have their own homes,” she says. There’s only one thing that she wants more of: money. She sees no gender in this ask of life.
Published – September 28, 2025 12:17 am IST
